I get really scared when i can actually feel my heart beating in my chest. It reminds me of my mortality and that I’m powerless over its function. I used to get these certain thoughts that I couldn’t shake right before I fell asleep. You try and not think of them, but they would find their way into my stream of exhaustion. One would be if I could mentally stop my heart. If i told my brain to just make it stop beating. Just if i kept repeating it would that happen. I would get freaked out and try to think of anything but this certain thought. It’s scary thought for a child, it follows along the same line of being in the bathroom and repeating “bloody mary” however hard you try and stop that thought it always would find my way. I made sure to hurriedly turn on the light when I got in at night and make sure I was out of the bathroom quickly when the lights went off.
